The recent rampant abuses of women in our various cities and towns and on the social medial, where some married women and ladies are maltreated, mishandled and some even killed is a clear indication to us that, a lot of women are really suffering in silence in their marriages for countless reasons and is a wake-up call to government and the Christian Council to give family life the needed attention and formation it needs, especially in moments of hardships, marital conflict and crises! For me, it is an eye-opener.
A lot of our women are dying slowly in these abuses silently, just because they are redundant, helpless, have nobody to plead their cause, and depend on their husbands for almost everything, from clothing to feeding, to the paying of bills and the upkeep of their kids.
So, in moments like this, they have no option but to stay and suffer torture to care for their kids. It’s even worse when the are many children, but there seems to be virtually no support for such mothers.
The Ghanaian Culture of Silence: It is rather unfortunate that, in the Akan tradition, before the woman moves to her matrimonial home, she is advised to stay no matter what! So, in matters where the abuse, torture may cost her own life, reporting the incident to the family members seems to be a taboo since her returning may seem she is a failure, which shouldn’t be the case when it may cost her life! Ladies, you have nobody to please.
And the society and the Church frown at divorce because divorced women are tagged as not moral, not submissive, and supportive of their husbands to build their homes, forgetting that the one abused could opt for separation or annulment of even the wedded marriage when the worst happens.
To women who, throughout their lives, have seen their mothers suffer torture and abuse from their husbands and raised under such a roof full of tension, rampant quarrels of parents, and less respect for one another, abuse becomes a norm to them.
That’s why some women prefer in and fancy that they provoke their husbands or boyfriends just to be beaten and harmed. For such women, that shows that the man loves her and that even strengthens their bond as a couple, which is wrong.
The African women’s concept of reporting their own husbands and seeking justice from the Police, the Church Tribunal, the Court, the DOVVSU Unit, etc…:
Most often, most Ghanaian women understanding the fact that, by virtue of the marriage rites and the children, a family has been created and by virtue of intimacy, there is a bond between her and the husband who is the head of the family, in critical matters when she is being maltreated, disrespected, cheated, abused and tortured even in public, it becomes extremely difficult for her to report even when the life is at risk. Not to talk about the psychological trauma on the innocent children, which goes a long way to affect their education, mental health, personality development, and human relationships.
Most women are of the view that, what would the family members of my husband say about me? How would society see me for reporting my irresponsible and nefarious husband?
Interesting, incidents of such abuse cases have happened where these women victims went to the hospital for treatment and lied about the cause of the injury, just to save their husbands from being arrested, all on the grounds of love!.
The worst aspect of it is the women who, when such cases are taken to Court, would testify in favour of the husband or even plead that the case be sent home and settled using Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR).
As a country, where a female is a Vice President and many more hold topmost government positions and portfolios, we cannot sit aloof to this menace for our women to suffer and die quietly, when there is a whole Ministry for women!
Let’s get a full-time Court that prosecutes such abusers, enact strict penal laws and sanctions for women and child abuse to serve as a deterrent to such heartless men who need to be brought to book.
Marriage is not synonymous with slavery and a stripping of one’s human dignity and human rights. I challenge the ministry of women and gender to collaborate with the Human Right Commissions and the many Female Advocates and Agencies to roll out an extensive measure to arrest this menace for is not, a time would come, most of our youth would be scared to marry and where would our future as a nation be if there is neither no or less marriage and human reproduction?!
Our lawmakers should wake up to debate it extensively and enact laws to protect against abuses in marriages and put in the public domain an emergency number in moments of abuse to call for an immediate rescue, help, and action.
Both the Church and State must build more Entrepreneurial and Vocational Centres that empowers jobless women with skills like soap making, beads making, tie and dye making, dress making etc…and offer soft loans to assist such women so be financially independent and not be a burden to their husbands to be able to cater for their kids if the worst happens in their marriage.
The Ministry of Health and the Nursing and Midwifery Council should bring education on family planning to the doorsteps of women so they can have reasonable spacing in birthing and be advised to limit birthing when they are victims of domestic violence, to reduce the financial burden on themselves, and save their lives when they have to risk several medical complications.
The Church must take Post-marital Counselling and formation seriously since that is where conflicts, misunderstandings, and abuse start from!. And so the need for periodical pastoral guidance and accompaniment in order to discuss how conflicts are handled, resolved, and managed in order to build a peaceful home as a family.
In a nutshell, just because we Christians frown at divorce doesn’t mean people should be tortured and die physically and emotionally in their marriages. For this reason, the Church and State have Marriage Courts to separate and even sometimes annul marriages when there is a just reason, and the life of a partner is in danger.
Women should also speak out and inform their relatives, especially their parents, when they find no joy in their marriage, and the appropriate and necessary steps are taken to resolve it at home or at the appropriate governmental Office, be it DOVVSU or the Police Station.
It’s my prayer that, as men, we respect women, empower them, understand them, and collaborate harmoniously with them to build a peaceful home and family life. For when there is peace at home, there would be peace in the nation, since criminalities would be eschewed as broken homes become a thing of the past.
By: Rev. Fr. Albert Kyei Danso
Chaplain, Holy Family Ghanaian Catholic Community Church, Italy
