This talk was delivered at St. Joseph Catholic Church, Amanful- Cape Coast on February 14, 2026

Introduction

Today is Valentine’s Day. Happy Valentine’s Day! Today, the world celebrates love with chocolates, roses, and romantic gestures. Social media is flooded with a couple of photos, and stores overflow with red hearts. But as young Christians, we are called to something deeper than the culture’s version of love. We are called to reflect God’s character in all our relationships, not just romantic ones. So, what does it mean to build healthy, Christ-honouring relationships in a world obsessed with temporary feelings and fleeting romance?

St. Augustine once said, “He loves Thee too little, who loves anything together with Thee, which he loves not for Thy sake.” This means if you love something or someone more than God, or without reference to God, your love is incomplete and dangerous.

If you don’t understand relationships properly from God’s perspective, you may enter something that looks sweet today but destroys your future tomorrow. So let us learn together what God’s word teaches us about building healthy relationships.

1. What is a Relationship?

These are connections built on mutual respect, trust, and genuine love, rooted firmly in God’s Word; not on butterflies, physical attraction, or what someone can do for us. A relationship is a connection between two or more people built on communication, interaction, and shared values. It can be:

• Friendship
• Family relationship
• Church relationship
• Romantic relationship
• Mentorship relationship

A relationship is not just chatting every night until 2 am. It is not changing your DP because of someone. It is not “he sends me Momo every week, so we are serious.” These are just surface activities. A relationship is a deliberate connection that influences your life, shapes your character, and affects your destiny.

And young people, understand this truth:

Who you relate with determines who you become.

St. John Chrysostom warned, “Nothing is more powerful than a bad habit.” The people you spend time with form habits in your life. The Bible confirms this: “Bad company corrupts good character” (1 Cor. 15:33). Choose your relationships wisely.

2. What is a Healthy Relationship?

A healthy relationship is a relationship that:

• Draws you closer to God, not away from Him
• Brings peace to your heart, not confusion
• Builds your future, not destroys it
• Encourages spiritual and personal growth, not pressure to sin
• Makes you better, not bitter

St. Francis de Sales taught, “Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself.” Don’t rush into relationships because everyone else is in one. Be patient and wait for what is healthy for you.

Now, ask yourself honestly: If after entering a relationship, you find yourself:

• Hiding from your parents
• Hiding from your pastor or youth leader
• Hiding from your church family
• You have stopped praying regularly
• You have stopped reading your Bible
• You feel guilt and shame constantly

Then pause and ask yourself: Is this relationship healthy for my soul?

3. Characteristics of Healthy Relationships

1. God-Centered

In a healthy relationship, God is at the centre of everything. You pray together. You encourage each other in faith. You respect God’s word and His commandments. You don’t pressure each other to sin or compromise your values.

In Ghana today, some SHS and university students say, “Everybody is doing it. Everyone is sleeping together. It’s normal now.”

But remember this truth: Everybody is not your destiny.

Just because others are making wrong choices doesn’t mean you should follow them. St. Cyprian of Carthage said, “No one is strong in his own strength, but he is safe by the grace and mercy of God.” Rely on God’s strength to stand firm.

A healthy, God-centered relationship says, “I value your soul more than your body. I value your eternity more than temporary pleasure.”

2. Respect

Respect shows itself in many ways:

• Respect in how you speak to each other
• Respect for how you dress around each other
• Respect for physical boundaries
• Respect for each other’s faith and values

If someone says to you, “If you love me, prove it” (meaning prove it physically), that is not love. That is manipulation.

True love does not force you to do what is wrong. Love does not threaten you. Love does not say: “If you leave me, I will harm myself.” That is emotional control and blackmail — it is not love.

St. Basil the Great taught: “A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds. A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love.” Watch people’s actions, not just their sweet words.

3. Honest Communication

Healthy relationships allow:

• Open and honest conversations
• The ability to say “I’m sorry” when wrong
• The ability to receive correction without anger
• Respectful disagreement

You can disagree with someone and still respect them. You can say “No” to something and still be loved and valued.

If someone shouts at you publicly, insults you in front of friends, embarrasses you to control you, or constantly criticizes you — that is not a healthy relationship. That is emotional abuse.

St. Ambrose said, “No duty is more urgent than that of returning thanks.” In healthy relationships, people appreciate each other and express gratitude, not constant criticism.

4. Purpose-Driven

As young Christians, your first relationship priorities at this stage of life should be:

Education — Finish your studies well

Character — Build godly character

Spiritual growth — Grow strong in faith

Career development — Prepare for your future

If a relationship is distracting you from:

• Your studies and learning
• Your church attendance and service
• Your God-given vision and purpose
• Your spiritual calling

Then it is not a healthy relationship for this season of your life.

St. Jerome reminded us: “Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best.” Don’t settle for relationships that make you mediocre. Aim for excellence in all things.

Remember the story of Anowa in your literature class — the choices she made in her relationship had serious consequences. Your relationship choices today will affect your tomorrow.

5. Accountability

A healthy relationship is not hidden in darkness. It is not built on lies and secrecy.

A healthy relationship can be known by:

• Your parents or guardians
• Your pastor or youth leader
• Your church family
• Your mentors

If everything about your relationship must be secret, coded, and hidden — ask yourself why. What are you hiding? Who are you hiding from?

The Bible says, “Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil” (John 3:19). Light does not fear exposure. Truth does not need to hide.

4. What Relationship is Healthy for a Young Christian?

At your stage of life (especially SHS students and early youth), the healthiest relationships you should focus on are:

1. Friendship

Build friendships with people who:

• Encourage you to study hard
• Encourage you to pray and grow spiritually
• Support your dreams and goals
• Challenge you to be better

2. Mentorship

Have someone older and wiser in your life:

• A godly teacher
• Your pastor or youth pastor
• A mature church worker
• A responsible adult who genuinely cares about your future

Who is guiding you? Who is speaking wisdom into your life?

3. Group Fellowship

Don’t isolate yourself emotionally with just one person. Grow in community. Be part of your church youth group. Have multiple godly friendships. Don’t put all your emotional needs on one person — that’s too much pressure, and it’s unhealthy.

St. Athanasius taught: “You cannot put straight in others what is warped in yourself.” Work on your own character first. Become the person you want to be with. Develop yourself before trying to develop a romantic relationship.

Important Truth for Ghanaian Youth

Many young people today confuse:

• Attention with love
• Money with genuine care
• Physical intimacy with commitment
• Feelings with a real relationship

Some girls say, “He buys me shawarma and pizza, he gives me money for my hair, so he loves me.”

Some boys say: “She is very fine. She has a nice body. That’s what matters.”

But ask deeper questions:

Is he/she responsible and hardworking?

Is he/she disciplined and godly?

Is this person helping my future or harming it?

Does this person fear God?

Can this person lead me spiritually?

Your destiny is too expensive to trade for shawarma, pizza, money for hair, or temporary emotions. St. Augustine warned: “Patience is the companion of wisdom.” Don’t rush into relationships. Be wise and patient.

5. Rhetorical Questions to Ask Yourself

I want you to ask yourself these questions. Think deeply. Be honest with yourself:

• If this relationship ends today, will I still have peace in my heart?
• Does this person draw me closer to God or pull me away from Him?
• Can I confidently and proudly introduce this person to my parents?
• Am I becoming a better person or worse since I entered this relationship?
• If Jesus Christ stood beside me while I’m chatting with this person, would I be comfortable with what He sees?
• Is this love, or am I just lonely and looking for attention?
• Is this relationship preparing me for a godly marriage, or is it preparing me for regret and heartbreak?

Let these questions sink deep into your heart.

Practical Advice

Here is my practical advice to you:

• Don’t rush love. Grow and develop yourself first.
• Don’t compete with your friends. Your time will come.
• Protect your body. It is the temple of the Holy Spirit.
• Guard your future. Don’t throw it away for temporary pleasure.
• Learn self-control. It is a fruit of the Spirit.
• Pray before making emotional decisions. Seek God’s wisdom.

St. Bernard of Clairvaux said, “What we love we shall grow to resemble.” If you love worldly things, you will become worldly. If you love godly things, you will become godly. Choose carefully what you give your heart to.

Remember this truth: Feelings are real, but they are not always right.

You can feel love for someone wrong for you. You can feel attracted to someone who will destroy your future. Don’t trust feelings alone — trust God’s wisdom and His word.

St. Thomas Aquinas taught: “To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible.” Build your faith in God first, then build your relationships on that foundation.

Conclusion

Valentine’s Day is not about proving love to someone through gifts, money, or physical intimacy.

Valentine’s Day should remind us to understand love correctly — God’s way.

True love, according to 1 Corinthians 13:

• Is patient
• Is kind
• Does not envy
• Does not boast
• Is not proud
• Does not dishonour others
• Is not self-seeking
• Does not easily anger
• Keeps no record of wrongs
• Does not delight in evil
• Rejoices with the truth
• Always protects
• Always trusts
• Always hopes
• Always perseveres

This is the standard of love God calls us to.

St. John Vianney said, “The soul cannot live without loving. It must have something to love, for it was created to love.” Yes, you were created to love — but love wisely, love purely, love in a way that honors God.

As young Christians, choose relationships that:

Build your destiny, not destroy it

Protect your purity, not compromise it

Strengthen your faith, not weaken it

Honour God, not disappoint Him

St. Catherine of Siena reminds us: “Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.” Don’t compromise your calling and your God-given identity for temporary companionship. Don’t settle for less than God’s best for your life.

Because the greatest relationship you must protect first is your relationship with Jesus Christ.

If that relationship is healthy, strong, and growing — every other relationship in your life will fall into its proper place.

The Early Church Father Tertullian wrote about Christian couples: “How beautiful is the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in hope, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice.” This is the standard we should aim for — not today’s shallow imitations of love based on money, beauty, and physical attraction alone.

May God grant you wisdom to build relationships that honour Him and bless your future.

May He give you patience to wait for His best.

May He give you strength to say no to what is wrong, even when it feels good.

May He protect your heart, your body, and your destiny…..Amen.