Each of us has definite repertoires of roles that we play in ordinary circumstances. But when we are put into slightly different circumstances, which often is uncomfortable or unexpected, we are often unable to find the suitable roles that people have known or expect of us. For that short time, we become our true selves.
And what is that true self? Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. If there are rats in a cellar, you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats; it only prevents them from hiding.
In the same way, the suddenness of the provocation does not make us ill-tempered; it only shows us the degree of bad temper that we have been harbouring.
Shakespeare said, “If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?” Surely, Shakespeare clearly thought revenge was as normal and predictable as the sun rising or setting. People who have been hurt or betrayed seem to believe without any doubt that if the other party suffers, then they will feel better – their emotional pain will lessen. How true is this perception in your life? Many of us know that every day that we live is a blessing and a miracle. If that is true, why would you waste your “miracle days” on pursuing revenge?
Don’t you know that means cutting short the miracle? When you are thinking about revenge, it usually means you believe trust has been broken. Trust is important in any relationship and critical for cooperative societies.
Remember, while the anticipation of revenge may feel pleasurable, the actual carrying out of revenge brings little satisfaction and may create more problems and suffering. Acts of revenge do not repair trust or re-establish a sense of justice for both parties. No matter how you may explain it, revenge is self-destructive. Confucius said, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves”, and Gandhi seemed to agree with him when he said, “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”
There are three gates through which we ought to rehearse before we give in to any action or reaction in response to a provocation. Through the first gate ask yourself, “Is the provocation true?” In the second gate ask yourself, “Is my action or reaction necessary?” At the third gate ask yourself, “Is it kind?”
Few evil actions can stand the test of these three gates, and he who learns to master these gates masters also self-control. We are all ill-tempered in various degrees. If we do not seek help or work on it, situations in life will sweep us into vengeance and unforgiveness that we never thought was possible from us, but that’s what and who we have always been. God Help Us!
May your week not be weak but with Him. I send you my prayerful wishes for the week. (By Fr. Ray®acc.GH)
